Getting Older

When we were kids, we dream big things, happy things, great things that can be easily achieved in our dreams.  I used to want to become a doctor, and then a singer, a designer and then a director, a politician, a lawyer, an actress and even the president of Republic of Indonesia. As I grew older, those thoughts disappear or simply impossible for me to achieve and I have many reasons to not achieve them and all of them sounds like many excuses wrap in a tiny box.  I study to become a physics teacher now, I don’t easily like it. My mom asked me to pursue it so you can say that  I did it for my mom. Just for your information ,doing things for other people and not for yourselves is probably the greatest mistake you could ever make. If you call me selfish, fine. But seriously you would find yourself be bored in two or three months and then you become really sick of it, hate it, live in a dreadful agony,  and of course you would really hate yourself. Regrets. You would feel them inside like flu, spreading slowly.

I haven’t found anything that can cure my regrets.  All I can do is sleeping in my room, watching the tv, listening to my ipod, and watching k-drama like some lunatics. All I can say is I am a mess. I don’t know what I want to do, and I am bored and tired and feel really tiny and unconfident. I asked many people a lot of questions about dreams and  their own ambitions but all of them gave me the same answer. Just accept what you have right now, live the life given for you. I used to like that idea. Now I don’t really like it.

But recently I went on a trip with my friends and we talked a lot about our dreams and how things are doing in our lives. Appearently they have the same exact problems as I am. From that night, I know that I’m not alone and that other people also have the same or probably even bigger problems than me.  And yes, sometimes you need to share your story and ask for help to get through bumps in life. If you don’t find it the first time you asked for help, ask again. That’s what I did, and it worked. After that trip I watched this movie called Dead Poets Society, I will discuss this movie with you later, that opened my eyes and hearts in a really amazing ways. How a teacher can inspire his students to have their own voice and seize the day. I always wanted to become a singer, but I did not seize the day and tell my mother that I want to quit college and become a singer.  I learn something more. I don’t just seize the day. I accept my decisions in the past and try to seize the day I have right now. You think maybe I don’t have the guts to tell my mother what I really want. But really, when I watched John Keating inspired Todd Anderson to become a better man. I want to be just like John Keating. A teacher, a physics teacher and probably an english teacher someday that can inspire her students.

November 26, 2012

Syira